Scripts - Betsey Horton

SCRIPT: Mad Dog’s Associations

Posted on February 25, 2018April 1, 2022 by Betsey Horton

INT: BLOODY MARY'S BAR - DAY Mad Dog is sitting at the end of the bar having a drink when Sam comes over to wash the dishes. Mad Dog: So... about that Super Bowl Party... Sam: Oh sorry, Pup, but you're not allowed to come anymore. Mad Dog: Why not?...Read More

SCRIPT: Lisa

Posted on December 8, 2017April 2, 2022 by Betsey Horton

Once upon a time, Bloody Mary's Bar was owned by a woman. This woman is the most badass motherfucker in all of the bar's history. This is the completely made-up version of her life story, as told by a writer who totally embarrassed herself after waiting years to finally meet...Read More

SCRIPT: That Awkward Moment…

Posted on July 21, 2017April 5, 2022 by Betsey Horton

Betsey is standing onstage in front of a huge audience, ranting about what a bunch of bullshit it is that she got kicked out of the bar again. Betsey: And then I told the Owner he could suck my dick! Suddenly, the audience gasps. They give her a look like...Read More

SCRIPT: Commercial Break

Posted on July 21, 2017April 2, 2022 by Betsey Horton

Everyone is sitting at Bloody Mary's Bar minding their own business, except for Betsey. Suddenly, she looks up from her notebook and right into the camera at the audience. Betsey: We interrupt this episode of Betsey at the Bar to bring you a special message from our sponsors. The scene changes...Read More

SCRIPT: The Untimely Death of Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire

Posted on February 24, 2017April 5, 2022 by Betsey Horton

Betsey is sitting at the bar with Mad Dog when they get into an argument. Betsey is annoyed so she gets up and decides to move over to the opposite end of the bar where The Line of Death usually sits. Betsey: Oh, woe is me! I really am an...Read More

Overheard at Bloody Mary’s Bar

Posted on November 4, 2016April 2, 2022 by Betsey Horton

One of my favourite things about being a writer is my collection of quotes. I have been collecting them since I was in high school. The following is a collection of quotes taken from my favourite bar, Bloody Mary's. I have mined them from several notebooks I've used over the...Read More

SCRIPT: The Mural On The Wall

Posted on October 28, 2016April 5, 2022 by Betsey Horton

Betsey is sitting out on the patio of Bloody Mary's writing in her notebook. Suddenly, a group of men come along and start getting ideas. Andrew: I'm thinking about painting a mural right here. I have a vision in my head. Guys: Tell us, Andrew! You're soooooooo Great. We love...Read More

SCRIPT: Three Little Birds

Posted on September 29, 2016April 5, 2022 by Betsey Horton

The Council of Three Birds Meets To Discuss Betsey Turkey: Well, guys... What is the consensus? What do we think of this little Crow? This Writer Extraordinaire? Pheasant: I don't like her. I think she is crazy. Owl: I like her. She is very intelligent. There is much more going...Read More

SCRIPT: The Island of Lost Guys

Posted on September 3, 2016March 31, 2022 by Betsey Horton

On today's episode of Island Hunters... BETSEY: Hi! My name is Betsey! I'm a Writer Extraordinaire from Washington D.C. I'm looking to purchase an island in Belize where all of my Lost Guys can live. REAL ESTATE AGENT: What are you looking for in an Island Paradise? BETSEY: When I...Read More

Betsey Horton

Category: Scripts