I finally wrote something yesterday. It wasn’t great. Also, it destroyed me. So frustrating. I am having the hardest time with writing right now. I haven’t even tried to do it in several months. I just gave up. I was so blocked.

Needless to say, it was quite the surprise when Andrew surfaced out of nowhere yesterday and immediately demanded 5 stories. I wasn’t thrilled he was there, but at this point I’m like, “Yasss, my Muse wants to get off his ass and work! Let’s go!” And then all of it was crap. Ugh. But at least I vomited it all out on the page. Now I can move on with life knowing that yes, I can still write, I am just not in a good place with it right now.

The biggest issues revealed to me during my writing session yesterday were as follows:

1. Stuck at Bloody Mary’s Bar. It feels very much like a Limbo situation. I’m trapped there with Mad Dog and Andrew and I can’t leave no matter how hard I try. That is very upsetting to me, especially because I wrote those stories almost 10 years ago. Wow. Where does the time go?

2. Using alcohol to fuel the writing. No good. Terrible. I turn into the worst version of myself and I hate it. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’ve been doing really well with that, overall. I haven’t been going out like I used to. I think I go out once a month? It’s lame every time. There is no one to talk to anymore. Sigh. That’s part of the reason why I stagnated. No new characters to watch. Overall, doing the Hemingway Thing isn’t working anymore. We need to be less like Sloppy Papi over here and more like Martha Gellhorn. When is the next military hospital ship taking off for the impending World War? Sign me up for that shit today.

3. I am still primarily blocked by anger. This is even more annoying! Ugh! I have been using yoga to work through all of my anger and negative emotions. It’s been so painful and difficult to confront all of that crap. I thought I was making progress with it until I wrote those stories yesterday. It’s like… nope… that anger is still there. It’s pretty deep-set within me. So, clearly the next step is to get some distance from the town for awhile. And by awhile I mean forever.

4. My content is so stale. Ugh. When I say I’ve got nothing, I really mean it. I’ve got NOTHING. I need all new everything. Unfortunately, as Hannah Gadsby says, I’ve already used up all my trauma chips because I didn’t budget them correctly. I didn’t realize I would be so popular. Now I have to find a new schtick.

5. Well, the good news is that I got a job on the other side of the world! You’ll never guess where it is. No, seriously, you won’t, because it’s totally random and came completely out of the blue. Stay tuned for the big reveal…

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

IT’S HONG KONG, Y’ALL!!!!!!!

*screams excitedly*

*airhorns blast, confetti explodes, everyone’s mouths drop open all the way down to the floor*

Yes, that’s right. Hong Kong. The former pirates’ haven turned international financial scheme. Yaaassss! It’s true the situation is different there now, but the fact that it’s a major international city with a billion interesting things to do has stayed the same! Get ready for me to flood my Instagram with 10,000 different photos of me standing next to dragons. It’s gonna be lit!

I’m planning to move in June. I’m really excited because it’s a huge international city and I am SO READY to live the big city expat life! Endless potential for lifestyle and travel content!

I’m nervous, but very excited. It’s totally different than anything I’ve ever done before, but I’m really looking forward to my busy, fast-paced schedule and daily double-decker tram commute. You know I’ll be sitting in the top row all the time!

What is the job? Teaching English, of course! Something I’ve never done before! Like I said, I’m nervous, but my company provides pretty extensive training and all classroom materials. All I have to do is “Bring the Disney Character Energy,” which I am so ready to do after studying so much musical theatre during the pandemic. I understand this assignment. If there’s one thing I know how to do, it is put on a ridiculously entertaining performance of a Disney classic in my living room. The ABC’s don’t scare me at all.

My contract is for one year. I fully view this as an entry level job into the field. I have lots of options to explore after that. I can stay with the company for another 1 or 2 years to build experience, apply for the NET Scheme, look for jobs elsewhere, go back to school, travel. I’m trying to stay open-minded because I don’t know what opportunities will arise and I want to be ready to take them when they appear.

The company is providing me with an apartment. I’m living with a couple of other teachers, which is fine for big city life. I definitely don’t want to be isolated or alone. I can move out if I decide to later on. It’s probably going to be some tiny little shoebox, but that’s just the price you pay to live in a huge international city. I’m living in the middle of nowhere and it’s killing me, so I’m not about to be picky because of entitlement.

Ideally I won’t be spending much time at home anyway because I’ll be too busy working, doing yoga, traveling, going to the beach, going to events, eating at all the hot new restaurants along the escalator, basically just living my life to the fullest!

Not sure how the yoga teacher gig will play out. I love it, but it’s definitely a side gig. I guess I will just have to hit the ground, find a studio that fits, and put myself out there as a potential teaching candidate. I can also do it on my own time. Like just send out a flyer for weekend beach yoga or something. It’s less of a concern for me than prepping for my main gig.

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to receive a job offer like this at all. Hong Kong! WOW! Me?! In Hong Kong?! That’s wild! I never would have imagined that! I was always so stuck on Paris, but after visiting Qatar and India, I decided I wanted to expand my horizons and see the rest of the world. This is how I ended up taking the TEFL course, which is what got me the gig in Hong Kong. I was so surprised!!!

I had to do my interview at about 3am. I was so nervous, but it went better than I expected. I got all my hiring paperwork done and bam. It felt so good to send off my visa paperwork! I worked hard for this! I earned it! I deserve it! I finally made a good life choice. Yay!

It’s also a nice option because the company takes care of all the hard stuff. With France, I had to do *everything* by myself. It was so stressful. I learned so much from it, but I’m glad I don’t have to go through that this time. This process has been comparatively simple because the company did most of the legwork for me. All I had to do was fill out a couple of forms.

While I’m waiting to ship off, I’ve started learning some Chinese (both Canto and Mando). The nice thing about HK is that everything is in English, so it won’t be as difficult as it might be on the mainland (or in France). I will still download a translation app and study some of the language beforehand. I expect I won’t be using much Chinese at all, but I’m going to learn a little bit anyway just because I can.

I’ve discovered that learning languages is really easy for me. It actually gets easier as I move through new different languages. Like I thought French was hard, but then I started Portuguese. I thought Portuguese was hard, but then I started Hindi and Chinese. Now French and Portuguese are sooooooo much easier for me. I only did Hindi and Chinese last week, and I was shocked by how clear French came to me when I put it back on.

I hear French now better than I ever have before. It’s the most incredible thing. I actually cried when I realized I understood it perfectly. I worked so hard for this. I can’t even describe to you what it felt like for me in that moment.

Portuguese still depends a lot on the regional accent, but my comprehension is so much better than it was before. Spanish is still pretty easy, as it was my base for the other Romance languages. It’s just chillin’ in the background, takin’ a little siesta, ready to jump up and go when it gets the call.

I know this because I spent my last birthday with one of my oldest friends and her family, who usually speak Spanish at home. They would switch between English and Spanish quite frequently and I didn’t have any trouble following at all. It just felt comfortable and familiar. Like I was back in my childhood home again, even though that technically doesn’t exist anymore. I was dying when I was listening to my friend’s mom roast her nephew for not doing his chores. It was so funny. Some things are universal…

I’m so obsessed with languages right now. It feels like building up all the brain power I lost from drinking. On average, I spend several hours a day engaged with languages in some way. I’m either watching TV or have it on as background noise, or I’m playing music, playing Duolingo, studying my books or flash cards. It all comes down to basic pattern recognition, memorization, and repetition.

Learning languages is so empowering for me. It makes me feel so accomplished. My self-esteem has been in the garbage for way too long. Every time I notice improvement in my languages, I feel like I’m finally doing something worthwhile. I re-started my serious study of French in 2020 during the pandemic. To have come so far with it in five years time makes me feel accomplished. I am achieving something I set out to do. And that has paved the way for everything else…

Yoga has been the same way. I cannot even begin to tell you how much my body has changed since last year. I was going to hot power yoga and sculpt 6x a week. Then I did the teacher training. Now I’m teaching 4-5x per week. Crazy how things change.

The biggest change I noticed is that my level of anxiety has significantly decreased. At first I was terrified of teaching yoga, but that has gone away completely now. I don’t feel as uncomfortable in front of people as I did before.

I’m also not at all phased by the idea of picking up and moving across the world to a major city. That is possibly because I survived India, so Hong Kong feels like nothing to worry about now. In the past, I would just worry myself sick, freeze up, sabotage myself, and not do anything because of it. Now it’s like… just do it, see what happens, and go.

Hopefully the world doesn’t blow up before I make it over there. That would be a pretty disappointing ending given the fact that we’ve been building up to this for so long.

Anyway, definitely ready to start a new life. Ready to get those creative wheels turning again. I am honestly so depressed this winter. I’ve been doing the best I can to fill the time between yoga classes with as many other things as possible, but the days still feel so empty and long. It can be so difficult to stare down sometimes, especially when I’m having a difficult day emotionally. The only cure for this case is to stay busy. It’s a challenge. This is why I need the stimulation of a big city.

Just gotta survive the next few months. Hopefully I will… hopefully we all will.