Monday morning.

The world feels different today.

Well, I guess I feel different today. The world is still a terrible place, obviously. Every day it gets worse.

But today is different. Today I feel like… I can take this terrible world on. I have exorcised the demon within. If I can overcome my trauma, I can overcome anything.

I’ve never been stronger than I am today.

I’ve thought about the backlash I might get, but meh. Everything negative that can be said about me and my writing has already been screamed in my face thousands of times. What are they going to say that hasn’t already been said? Nothing. It will just be more of this crap:

“She’s CRAZY! She’s a liar! She’s just making it up for attention! She makes everything about herself! She’s bipolar! She has a personality disorder! She needs to make better choices! She’s this, she’s that, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.”

And you wonder why I “never listen” to you. All you’re doing is trying to gaslight and invalidate me. It’s not going to work. I don’t care what you think. I never have. You don’t get to decide what my life story is. You don’t get to decide what the truth is. I’m telling you my truth. If you don’t believe me, that’s your problem. Screaming at me is not going to change the truth. I will be repeating this exact same story until I die, because it’s the true story of my life. I know that. I don’t need some random person’s approval.

Sometimes I’m walking around town and I just stop and think to myself, “Where the hell AM I? Who ARE these people? Why are they so mean to everyone all the time? Why do they think someone like me actually cares what they have to say about me? Literally, who are you? No one knows. I’m not from here, I have no connection to here beyond the university, and I wasn’t raised anything like the people here. So why would I hold myself to your standards and change myself to fit into your world when I never even wanted to come here in the first place?”

Ugh. Yuck. Ain’t nobody got time for dat.

So yeah, I fully expect more of the Blah Blah Blah from people, but hopefully someone will come along, read my story, and be like, “That fucked up shit happened to me too! We need to come together so we can stop more children from being sent away to torture facilities and hold these predators accountable for their crimes!” Yes. Thank you for understanding the assignment.

Meanwhile, the last 36 hours have been surprisingly peaceful. It’s like I took a huge trauma dump and finally got the last of it out. There is no more radioactive box filled with nightmarish horrors holding my brain hostage. It’s a miracle! A miracle, I tell you!

I just want to say to anyone out there who is struggling with C-PTSD: if you can get in on one of these scientific studies using magic mushrooms to alleviate your symptoms, do it. Unfortunately, I live in a state that doesn’t believe in science, so I had to replicate the study as best I could and be my own scientist. If that is your only option, make sure you’re in a safe, comfortable place and fully ready to confront your trauma head-on.

That being said, I have seen the changes in my brain and I believe in the therapeutic benefits of magic mushrooms for people who are struggling with C-PTSD.

What’s the plan for today? Nothing. I’m taking a day off to relax. I need to book some plane tickets, apply for a tourist visa to one of my stopover locations, and teach yoga. My yoga class vibe is going to be so lit tonight. I can’t wait to walk in there and be the strong, empowered, spiritual leader my students need me to be. Namaste!

For now, I am going to check the news (🤬🤢🤮) to see what sort of destruction is being visited upon the planet today. Then I will return to Gossip Girl so I can soothe all of my horrific memories of the Troubled Teen Industry and escape into the glamorous world of the students at an elite private high school on the Upper East Side.

XOXO

💋 Gossip Girl