Sometime in the evening, Andrew appears at my front door. He strolls in as if absolutely nothing is out of the ordinary about the situation and plops down on the comfy armchair beside me.
“I’m ready to have our business meeting now,” he says.
I turn my desk chair around to face him and look him over skeptically.
“Andrew, now is hardly the time for a business meeting. I’m still wearing my bathrobe. I just got out of the shower five minutes ago.”
“It’s cool. It’ll just be like a Harvey Weinstein thing then.”
I roll my eyes and grimace at his completely terrible, inappropriately-timed joke.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say and carry on as before.”
Andrew chuckles to himself and grins at me.
“So about this National Novel Writing Month thing,” he says. “I was thinking you could write one of those about me.”
“Of course you were, darling. When is anything I write ever not about you?”
“Yeah, I’m The Muse,” Andrew says, smoothing his hair back. “That’s why I’m telling you to write me a quick little novel. Give it a one month turn around. That’s what? Something like 2000 words a day? That’s easy. You can do that, no problem. Especially with the right inspiration. You’re lucky I’m here to provide. You should be grateful to me for everything I do for you. You wouldn’t even believe how much time I spend standing around coming up with new ideas for you to write about.”
“I believe you,” I mutter under my breath.
Andrew smiles pleasantly at me again.
“I’ve just the plot for you,” he says. “It’s that Perfect Life story you were outlining. The one you said would make a good Lifetime Channel Original Movie. I think you should turn it into a short little novel and sell it under a fake name on the internet. I think it will be really successful. You said romance e-books are really popular and usually sell a lot no matter what. Especially if there are lots of hot lesbian sex scenes.”
I roll my eyes at him.
“What?” he asks innocently. “I know lots of guys who would read that stuff. I’d read it. You can have me watching them in the book too. It’ll be so meta.”
“Now’s the perfect opportunity for you to sit down and finally write it. You’ve got 30 days. Just sit down and do it.”
“And what am I supposed to do for money in the meantime?” I ask.
“I found you something,” he says helpfully. “Something to get you out of town. Something where you’ll meet lots of new people. Something you don’t hate.”
“Well, thanks a lot for that, I guess.”
“Don’t worry. It’ll be good for you. You can use it as an opportunity to do more research for your murder mystery novel.”
I smile at Andrew sweetly and get up from my seat to pat him on the head. He takes my hand and kisses it softly.
“Thank you, darling,” I say. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you before. I was being ungrateful.”
“It’s okay,” he answers. “I was being ungrateful too.”
We gaze into each other’s eyes for just a few moments longer. Finally, Andrew stands up and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.
“I have to go to work now,” he says gently. “I’ll stop by again later to see you off to bed.”
Andrew turns to wave at me as he walks out of the apartment and closes the door behind him. I take the damp towel wrap out of my hair and sit down to start drying it.