STORY: Money™

Betsey wakes up from a long night of drinking with no memory of the night before. She decides to start her investigation into what happened. First she checks her social media accounts. Then she goes to Bloody Mary’s to check the wall. There, she discovers she wrote another dumb thing and tears it off the wall. Finally, she checks her wallet.

Me: Hey! Where the hell did all my money go?!

Betsey looks over and sees Andrew walk by in a speedo. She forgets what she was doing almost immediately. Andrew dives gracefully into a swimming pool full of cash. He ‘splashes’ around in it and throws it in the air. He swims a couple laps in freestyle, breaststroke, backstroke and butterfly.

Me: That’s pretty impressive.

Andrew: Thanks! I have a Masters Degree in Doing Recreational Stuff. *winks at me*

Suddenly, a group of beautiful ladies in matching gold bikinis appears behind him. They join him in the pool full of cash.

Andrew: Okay ladies, now let’s get in formation!

Andrew leads his ladies in an impressive synchronized swimming routine. Betsey is more interested in his choice of swimwear. The speedo looks surprisingly good on his dadbod. Betsey is so entranced by his dashing good looks that she completely forgets he just robbed her blind… again. She looks over and sees Mad Dog stretched out on a lounge chair wearing sunglasses and sipping a pink drink with an umbrella on top.

Mad Dog: I saved you a seat! I got us front-row tickets for the show!

Me: Thanks, Mad Dog.

Betsey takes the seat next to him.

Andrew: *gets out of the pool* Can I offer you a drink?

Me: I’ll have whatever he’s having.

Andrew: Cool.

Andrew serves Betsey a glass of Island Juice. He takes her cash and drives back into the pool. Betsey and Mad Dog sit there watching him until the class is over. When he’s done, Andrew makes himself a glass of Island Juice, puts on his shades, and sits in the lounge chair next to us.

The End

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