I rue the day that Andrew Darling saw me writing in his bar and decided he was my Boss. Sometimes I look through the stack of unfinished manuscripts and ask myself why I’m wasting my time. I don’t know. That’s why I’m in the mood to negotiate with Andrew when he shows up for his Saturday Business Meeting.
“Hellooooo,” he says, twirling around the room happily. He’s smiling a little too much for my liking. I wonder what he’s up to this time. He stops in front of me and takes a notebook out of his pocket.
“What is that?” I ask suspiciously.
“This is a list of ideas for stories about me you can use for next year.”
Andrew hands me the notebook proudly. I stare down at it in shock. Suddenly, the realization hits me. He wants to keep going with this. He doesn’t care about his Situation. He really thinks he can just come and go as he pleases. That was the moment I realized he was just as selfish as I was. Sometimes I think we really do deserve each other for the horrible thing we’ve done.
I take a deep breath and think about what I should say in response. At the end of the day, it really only came down to one thing: Money. It’s not that I didn’t love him. It’s just that I love all of them, and I knew he couldn’t possibly be the last one. New opportunities had recently become available to me. Suddenly it didn’t seem like I needed him that much anymore. Not unless he could give me what I really wanted from him: cash.
I stand up and pat him on the shoulder gently.
“Uhh… listen, Andrew… I’m in a bad situation over here. I need money and I need it fast. I can’t really be dallying around with you if you’re not going to pay me for my time. I gave you your little free trial period and extended it for the rest of the year because I still had feelings for you. Now it’s time for me to get serious. You can’t be wasting my time like this anymore. If you want me to write stories for you, you’re going to have to pay for them. Otherwise, I need to focus my attention on ventures that can provide a steady, stable income. Do you understand?”
Andrew mulls it over for a moment and looks up at me it’s an eyebrow raised.
“Am into understand you’re asking me to negotiate a contract with you?” he asks.
“A real, legal, legitimately-binding contract that guarantees you actual, physical financial compensation for your time and energy?”
“And in return I get whatever I want?”
“Whatever you want. Within reason. Stories, escapes, The Girlfriend Experience, etc.”
I look down at Andrew and shake my head.
“Sorry, honey. I’m looking for a patron. I can’t afford to waste my time on you anymore. Pay me for my stories or you get none. There are many others out there who can Provide where you cannot. Do you understand me?”
Andrew sighs and nods understandingly.
“Don’t worry,” I say sweetly. “We’ll always have Bloody Mary’s Bar.”
Everyone in the audience collectively says “Awwwwwwwww!” Andrew nods again and gets up to leave.
“I’ll see you later,” he says with a confident smile. Then he walks out of the apartment for the rest of the day.