STORY: Andrew’s Romance Novel

I am sitting on my bed writing when I hear yet another frickin’ knock on my door. I’m so tired from all of these Muses coming and going all day. I can’t even imagine who is about to show up now.

“Ugh!” I exclaim, getting up from the bed. “Who could it possibly be this time?!”

I open the door to find Jaimie standing there with a six-pack in one hand and a pizza in the other.

“Hey there,” he says. “I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out with me tonight?”

I look him over and scoff in disbelief.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“I mean, I just heard you were writing romance novels and I, uh, thought I might check it out.”

I raise my eyebrow at him suspiciously.

“Check out what, exactly?”

“You know… some of your more personal work. I thought I could inspire some of it… maybe?”

“Dude, you stood me up.”

“Yeah, but I mean, that was just like, Andrew playing with me.”

“You took another girl out to the restaurant across the street from me house three days later.”

“It didn’t exactly work out.”

“So now you think you can just show up here and inspire a romance novel, huh?”

“Yeah… I mean… I guess. You know, if you’re cool with it and all.”

I start laughing at him immediately.

“That’s not romance novel material, Jaimie. It’s fuckboy material. Get the fuck outta here with that shit. I don’t have time for any of this.”

“But what if I was here?” says a familiar voice behind me. I gasp and turn around to see Andrew standing there behind me.

“What the-?”

Andrew gives me a sneaky smile and winks at me.

“Uhh, so, I just wanted to check in with you and make sure there’s a scene in my romance novel where I get to watch two hot blonde chicks making out by the pool.”

I stare at him with my mouth wide open.

“What?”

“Yeah,” he says, clearing his throat. “That’s my favourite kind to watch.”

“Oh boy,” I mutter.

“Yeah,” he says. “I thought maybe my friend Jaimie here could join us too.”

My face turns bright red and I do a facepalm immediately.

“Oh my god,” I say to myself. “I’m never, ever going to be able to go out in public ever again after writing this.”

“Why not?” he says. “We’re just fictional characters, after all. It’s not like we have any affiliation with you in real life. As far as we’re all concerned, this is just your crazy fantasy.”

“Is that the line you’re using now?”

“Yeah. Pretty convenient, right?”

“You have no idea.”

“Well, I brought some pretty good weed,” says Jaimie. “And the beer is getting warm while the pizza is getting cold, so… are you going to let me in or what?”

“Alright,” I say with a heavy sigh. “I guess I’ll let you in to my romance novel.”

“Great,” he says, stepping through the door. “Don’t mind if I make myself comfortable.”

“You do you, boo,” I respond, rolling my eyes. “You do you.”

Andrew smiles at me as I plop down in my seat defeatedly.

“Don’t worry, honey,” he says, placing his hand in my shoulder reassuringly. “I’ll make it feel good for ya. I promise.”

“I guess that’s pretty reassuring to know.”

“Isn’t it, though?”

I smile up at him half-heartedly and put my hand on top of his.

“Whatever you say, darling. Whatever you say.”

Andrew picks up my hand and kisses it softly before leading me way down into the hole.

The End

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