I look up from my notebook just in time to notice the little green snake slithering toward me.
“My, my, haven’t we been working hard today?”
“So it would seem. I am a professional writer, you know. I don’t have time to just sit around all day. I’m very busy and important.”
“You’ve been working all day. Why not take a break? Relax out on my patio? Have a drink?”
“You just want me to write another story about you. That’s hardly a break.”
“I disagree,” hisses the snake. “Writing about me is a far more relaxing experience than writing about a bunch of silly old prostitutes.”
“They’re not silly,” I say. “Don’t diminish them just because you disagree with what they do. You’re not so different from one yourself. And writing about you is nowhere near as relaxing as you think. It’s actually quite stressful.”
The snake looks into my eyes hypnotically.
“Write me a story, Betsey. Please?”
“Well…” I hesitate at first, but I cannot resist him for long. “All right, if you really want one, I suppose I have just the story to satiate you. It’s about a sexy snake who lures an unsuspecting writer into his nest.”
“Sounds spectacular,” says the snake, slithering off the desk. He transforms into a handsome, young Emperor with beautiful blue eyes sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“You may tell it to me now,” he says with some authority in his voice.
“Whatever you say, Your Majesty.”
I drape myself comfortably across the chair and begin to pen the tale.
One afternoon, I was seated comfortably on the bench outside of Bloody Mary’s Bar. The wi-fi in my apartment had recently gone out, so I decided to steal it from my favourite and most-frequented bar instead. I figured I’d spent enough money there over the years to justify it.
Unfortunately, right at the moment, I looked up from my phone to see the handsome, young owner heading straight for me. Just my luck. He caught me stealing his internet from him… again.
“Hey Betsey,” he said with that sneaky smile on his face. “What are you up to today?”
“Oh nothing,” I said. “Nothing at all. I definitely wasn’t sitting here stealing your internet, if that’s what you mean.”
“Why don’t you come inside?” he asked. “Take a break. Relax on the patio. Have a drink.”
I looked him up and down once before my eyes finally settled on his left ring finger. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks again.
“No thanks,” I said. “I’ve got other plans today.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, once again catching my gaze in his. I could feel his beautiful blue eyes hypnotizing me. He gave me a winning smile as he opened the door. He closed his eyes as the cool blast of A/C hit his face. He ran his fingers through his hair and shook his mane out in the breeze. He stood there for just a moment, posing for me as if he were a model. I even noticed him lift the corner of his shirt up just a little bit.
“It sure is hot outside,” he said seductively. “You sure you don’t want to cool down with something refreshing to drink?”
I covered up my gaping mouth just in time to catch the drool.
“Uhhh…” I stumbled over myself searching for words. “Well… I guess… when you put it that way… how much could one look really hurt? I mean drink. One drink. Yeah. That’s right. I’m an alcoholic and I come here to drink.”
Andrew held the door open for me with a wide smile on his face. It wasn’t until much later that I realized I had been robbed completely blind. The worst part was, I didn’t even care. As far as I could tell, it was worth every penny.
The Emperor smiles at me and claps his hands.
“That was a good one,” he says.
“Thank you,” I reply. “I wrote it just for you.”
“Just for me?”
“Just for you.”
“But why?” he asks softly.
“Because,” I say, once again stealing a line from our mutual friend, “You’re the only person in this world that I like.”
“Thank you,” he says.