SCRIPT: The Man with a Thousand Names

Hope: I love your blog! I read it everyday! I know people think it’s crazy, but I love it! I’m your number one biggest fan!

Me: Aww, thank you.

Hope: Okay, wait, so which one is Andrew?

Me: That’s the Owner of Bloody Mary’s Bar. I have a fixation with him because he is a very sexy and mysterious character. He has inspired me to write many stories. That is why I go to great lengths to avoid him whenever I see him in real life.

Hope: And he’s the Turkey, right?

Me: Right.

Hope: So who is the Snake?

Me: That’s also Andrew.

Hope: What about The Emperor?

Me: Andrew, again.

Hope: The Boss?

Me: That is definitely Andrew.

Hope: The Whoremonger?

Me: That used to be Andrew, but now it’s me. I’ve re-appropriated the name on behalf of The Movement.

Hope: Pretty Boy?

Me: Andrew.

Hope: Vishnu?

Me: Andrew.

Hope: The Rooster?

Me: Andrew.

Hope: Money™?

Me: Andrew.

Hope: Donuts?

Me: *giggles* Yes, please.

Hope: Can’t-Get-Paid?

Me: That’s Andrew’s pornstar name.

Hope: The Next Great Playgirl Centerfold?

Me: For certain!

Hope: Alex? Sam? Diego? Mr. HGTV?

Me: All of those are Andrew. Diego is his painting name.

Hope: Jeez! How many names does this guy have?

Me: At least 16 others I can’t publish because they involve his real name. There’s no doubt in my mind there’s many more where those came from. And don’t forget his incarnation as a sexy Compliance Officer/Personal Trainer, Officer Andrew. He’s got the hat and everything!

Hope: I bet he does.

The End.

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