SCRIPT: Ski Slope Mama

Mad Dog, Betsey, and Andrew step off the plane and head up to a fancy resort somewhere in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado.

Mad Dog: Welcome to the Swiss Alps!

Andrew: Mad Dog, we’re in Colorado.

Mad Dog: Whatever! I’m in my own world!

Betsey: Okay, so stay there.

When they arrive at the resort, they check in at The Lodge.

Front Desk Attendant: We’re sorry, but it appears there’s been a mistake with your reservation.

Andrew: What do you mean?

Front Desk Attendant: It looks like you originally asked for a suite with three rooms, but the only one we currently have available has two.

Mad Dog: Oh brother! Not this again!

Betsey: [looks at Andrew suspiciously] You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Andrew: [whistling innocently] I don’t know what you’re talking about! Listen, it’s cool, it’s cool. I’ll just sleep on the couch instead.

Betsey: [eyes tun into hearts] Wow, Andrew! That’s so admirable of you!

Andrew: What can I say? I’m a True Gentleman. That’s why the Ladies love me! I always keep their best interests at heart!

Betsey: That’s why they call you The Whoremonger!

Mad Dog: Ba dum tss!

Andrew: Wait a minute! I thought you were The Whoremonger now.

Betsey: That’s right! I am The Whoremonger now. And don’t you forget it!

Mad Dog: Ugh, will you two just shut up already? I need a drink.

Once they’ve finished checking in, the Trio heads to their room to unpack. It’s only a matter of time before Mad Dog wanders off, leaving Betsey and Andrew alone.

Andrew: Sooo… you wanna watch some HGTV?

Betsey: No.

Andrew: Okay. How about we go skiing instead?

Betsey suddenly starts fidgeting awkwardly.

Betsey: Uhh… that’s okay. I’m not really feeling up to skiing today. I’d much rather stay at home and write a story instead.

Andrew folds his arms and raises his eyebrow.

Andrew: You’ve never gone skiing before, have you?

Betsey: Of course I’ve gone skiing before! I’m from the suburbs of Washington, D.C. for christsake! What do you think rich people there do in the wintertime? Stay at home and read?!

Andrew: Okay. How many times have you gone skiing?

Betsey: Twice.

Andrew: That’s it?

Betsey: Yes, that’s it. The first was when I was twelve and the second time was when I was seventeen. The first time I liked it and had a lot of fun. The second time was a complete disaster. I was all over the place. I think it had a lot to do with all the pharmaceuticals they had me doped up on at the time. I was practically sedated! Anyway, I was on a trip with my private school, so everyone there pretty much knew what they were doing already. I’d only been once so I decided to try the bunny slope. It went okay. No one wanted to go back with me after lunch though, so I just stayed at the house and cleaned up after everyone instead. The next time I went out on the slopes, I decided to be stupid and try the next level up. It didn’t go very well. My teacher had to help me down the mountain. It was definitely an experience I prefer to forget.

Andrew: Well, that’s no reason why we can’t go skiing right now! Come on! I’ll go to the bunny slope with you.

Betsey: You don’t have to do that, Andrew. You can go on the double black diamond trail if you really want to.

Andrew: UGH! You are so uptight! Come on! It’ll be a good time. I can teach you how to ski.

Betsey: Oh, so you’re a sexy ski instructor now too?

Andrew: I’m whatever you want me to be, baby. Besides, I told you! I have a Masters Degree in Doing Recreational Stuff. I can teach ANY sport, game, and/or activity in the entire world.

Betsey: Oh really? Is that so?

Andrew: It’s true, it’s true. I have a special talent. I’ve had it since I was a kid. All I have to do is try it one time and then I can teach anybody how to do it.

Betsey: You are so full of shit.

Andrew: No! It’s true! I really do have a Masters Degree!

Betsey: The only reason I believe you is because both Google and your mother verified this information for me.

Andrew: Come on, Betsey! Just let me teach you how to ski. It’ll be a good time! I promise.

Betsey: [hesitantly] Uhh… I don’t know…

Luckily, right at that moment, Mad Dog reappears with a set of blonde twins on his arm.

Mad Dog: There you are! I’ve been looking for you all over! Now this here is Cherry and Berry. Say hello, ladies.

Betsey: Helloooo, ladies!

Andrew stares at Mad Dog in shock.

Andrew: Again?!

Mad Dog: [shouting grumpily] They’re ski instructors! What do you want from me?

Andrew shakes his head in disbelief.

Mad Dog: [scoffs] Amateur.

Andrew turns around only to find Betsey has once again managed to escape him. He follows her down to the lobby and outside into the ski village. He spots her in the crowd and runs to catch up with her. When he does he grabs her by the hand and turns her to face him.

Andrew: Why do you always do that?

Betsey: What?

Andrew: Run away from me. You do it all the time!

Betsey: What else am I supposed to do?

Andrew: Uhh… you could trust me. Maybe believe me when I say I have your best interests in mind.

Betsey: Trust you? Trust you?! You’ve seen what happens when I trust people, Andrew. You’ve witnessed it first hand! It happens every time! And you just expect me to trust you?

Andrew: I don’t expect anything from you. I’m just asking you to trust me.

Betsey rolls her eyes at him.

Andrew: Listen, I know this looks bad, but it’s not what you think. There’s something going on-

Betsey: Then why don’t you just explain it to me so I can understand? Why can’t you just be honest with me instead of isolating me further and making me feel like I’m going crazy?

Andrew: I’m sorry. I didn’t know if I could trust you yet.

Betsey: And now?

Andrew: Well, now I know the difference between Betsey and Liz.

Betsey stares at him in shock.

Betsey: Oh god. What have I done? I’ve done a terrible thing. I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way. I thought if I wrote that story it would go away. Now here we are 8 months later and it’s a certifiable disaster!

Andrew: It’s not your fault, Betsey. We don’t get to choose who we fall for. Love makes fools out of us all.

Betsey: Oh Andrew…

Suddenly, Mad Dog appears again just in time to interrupt the scene. Betsey takes advantage of the moment and runs away into the nearest bar. Andrew watches her go with a look of pained frustration on his face.

Mad Dog: Say, what’s been going on between you two lately? What’s this fascination you have with each other?

Andrew: [seriously] Nothing I intended for or planned.

Mad Dog shakes his head in disbelief.

Mad Dog: Amateur.

Mad Dog follows Betsey into the bar with his new ski instructor friends. Andrew watches them disappear before he finally decides to join them. He finds Betsey drinking alone, as she usually does. He takes a seat beside her and motions to the bartender for a drink.

Andrew: Well, this trip definitely didn’t go as planned.

Betsey: Haven’t you ever heard the phrase “No one goes skiing in the Swiss Alps?”

Andrew: Betsey, we’re in Colorado!

Betsey: Same thing!

Andrew: Whatever.

They sit together in silence for a few minutes before Andrew decides to try out his new line.

Andrew: So… how’d you like to be my Ski Slope Mama?

Betsey: Ski Slope Mama?!

Andrew: That’s right! Ski Slope Mama!

Betsey laughs in spite of herself.

Betsey: Hmm… let me think about it for a little bit longer and I’ll get back to you.

Andrew: [smiles] Okay.

Betsey: Okay!

They sit at the bar together watching Mad Dog charm his twin ski instructor friends for the rest of the night.

The End

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