SCRIPT: At the Gym

As part of her on-going efforts to improve her life and overcome existential depression, Betsey decides to renew her long defunct gym membership. She starts going multiple times a week for yoga, Zumba, and her favourite activity of all, Beefcake Watching. Finally, one of the guys notices Betsey walking around and decides to chat her up.

Beefcake: Hey. Mind if I walk next to you around the track?

Betsey: [examines the size of his arms carefully] Well, all right.

Betsey and the Beefcake start walking around the indoor track. Little do they know, Andrew is also at the gym and has spotted them together from across the room. He decides to start following them.

Beefcake: So, do you come here often?

Betsey: All the time now. I’m getting back into this whole wellness thing after spending the last year and a half partying all the time.

Beefcake: Cool. I work out here every day.

Betsey: [giggling] Oh yes, I can tell. You look really good.

Beefcake: Thanks. I can get you on my training program if you’d like. Maybe we can work out together sometime.

Betsey: Oh yeah, sure. Work out. Right.

Suddenly, somebody clears their throat loudly behind them. They both turn around to see Andrew standing there looking very cross.

Andrew: Umm… what are you doing?

Betsey: I’m taking a walk with my new personal trainer. What did you say your name was again?

Beefcake: It’s Jake.

Betsey: Yeah, Jake. Jake here was just telling me about his training program, weren’t you, Jake?

Jake: It’s solid.

Andrew: [glares at Jake] You can’t be her personal trainer. I’m her personal trainer.

Betsey: [facepalms] Oh boy.

Jake: I mean, I’m not certified or anything. I just have a good program.

Andrew: She’s not interested.

Jake: She seems pretty interested to me.

Andrew scoffs at the Beefcake and takes out his wallet. He hands Jake a wad of cash.

Andrew: Here’s $150 dollars. That should cover the cost of your “personal training sessions.” Now go away forever.

Jake: [looks from the money to Betsey] Uhh… okay. Thanks.

Betsey: Hey, wait! You can’t do that!

Jake: See you later!

Jake walks away and is never seen or heard from ever again. Betsey turns around and seethes at Andrew.

Betsey: Stop scaring off my dates!

Andrew: You said he was your personal trainer. That’s not true. I’m your personal trainer.

Betsey: You can’t be my personal trainer, Andrew. You’re married.

Andrew: I’m not married! I’m Jason. Jason from the Gym, remember? We met on Tinder.

Betsey: [stomping her foot] You’re not Jason! You’re married! Ugh! I get so tired of playing these stupid little games with you. Just leave me alone already!

Andrew: I can’t. We’re not done with the book yet. We still have to write the ending.

Betsey: Or maybe we’re at the part in the story where she finally realizes she can do better than this bullshit and leaves the old married guy behind.

Andrew: No. You’re not leaving me.

Betsey: Yes, I am.

Betsey starts walking away from Andrew. He runs to catch up with her. She tries to escape him again but he reaches out and grabs her by the hand.

Andrew: I said you’re not leaving me.

Betsey: [trying to pull away] Let me go!

Andrew: [raises voice] I said that you’re not leaving me!

Betsey: Andrew, stop it. We’re in public. People can see.

Andrew: [motions to the empty track] No one can see! Now you listen here. We started this thing together and now we’re going to finish it together. Do you understand me?

Betsey: I’d rather finish it by myself, thank you. I think she makes a better role model if she leaves the douchebags in the dust. Especially you.

Andrew: No. You can’t leave me. I need you.

Betsey: You need me? For what? A distraction from your disgustingly perfect life?

Andrew: It is not perfect, believe me.

Betsey: I don’t really give a shit what it is. I’m tired of dealing with it. I’m tired of dealing with you. I deserve better than this. Just leave me alone.

Betsey finally breaks free from Andrew’s grasp and storms off.

Andrew: [calling after her] Great! So I’ll call you about that ending later!

Betsey flips him off before disappearing out the door.

The End

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