BLOG: Where Was I?

Friday morning. So begins the #TakeBackTheMorning campaign. As I previously mentioned, insomnia has legitimately been a lifelong problem for me. I had solved this problem for with medicinal marijuana, but I currently have no access to it. Thus, the problem is back with a vengeance.

I decided to set my alarm for 9am, but I didn’t fall asleep until 4am and thus my body refused to rise from the bed. Now here I am at 11am, which is an hour earlier than my previous noon sleep-in. Progress is progress, I suppose. Hopefully I can get back to my original waking time of 8:30-9am. It may take a few days, but I will get my mornings back!

I got back on Facebook, even though I absolutely loathe it. I still hate Mark Zuckerberg. I still hate the fact that Nazis are allowed to gather on the platform and plot to kill people without any kind of check on their activities. Unfortunately, it’s also where I keep my contacts and I was beginning to feel isolated without it. This is how they set us up. It’s infuriating. I hate it. But I want my friends and Instagram doesn’t do it for me. le sigh. I give in, but only on the condition that I will not waste time arguing with people.

I have this condition in place because I began advertising FDS. As a radical, intersectional feminist, I believe all women should be educated, uplifted, supported, and empowered. Thus I am willing to put my real name on this and take one for the team. That’s just how I roll. I mean, really, what are these guys going to say to me that I haven’t already heard 10,000x before? Just look at the comments on the Total Frat Move article. It will just be more of that whole “proving my point that you’re pathetic garbage” thing. Yawn. I’ve seen and heard it all before. Who cares?

Should anyone try to argue with me about it, I will not engage. I will simply direct them to the Handbook and encourage them to google any concepts they would like more information about. Then we can all save hours of precious time by not fighting over opinions I will not change.

Mental health problems? More like mental health solutions. I’m not wasting time arguing on social media. Anyone who is still following me at this points knows I am controversial and feminist AF. If they have a problem with me taking an anti-commercial pornography stance, they can take their ED and GTFO. Not my problem.

I am personally more concerned with making sure my baby sister does not buy into any of this fake empowerment bullshit for her own safety. It kills me to think she grew up in a time where porn and BDSM were not only normalized, but marketed as “feminist empowerment.” I have stress nightmares about this, especially after I heard her singing WAP.

Seriously, when did we decide as a society that strangulation is cool? Did I miss this? Strangulation is one of the biggest killers of women. Now it’s just automatically on the menu for a casual hookup? What the fuck is that shit?! Thank god I found FDS. I was beginning to think I was the only woman who felt this way. It turns out I am absolutely not! We are 98,500 strong and growing by the hundreds every day. My faith in humanity has been restored. #Feminism

Speaking of FDS, I’ve gotta work on my romcom parody script. I’ve been keeping a notebook by my side while perusing it to keep track of quotes, stories, and other miscellaneous things that stand out. I was originally just going to use my Island of Lost Guys as the model, but now I think I should combine it with some of these other stories. I want it to be a comedy, not a tragedy. I feel like some of my stories are too tragic to recycle. They need to be balanced with some of the more amusing, lighthearted ones on the sub. What is going to be relatable? What is going to make women laugh? What tropes do I constantly see in romcoms that annoy the shit out of women? The more I scroll through, the more answers I find to these questions. I hope I can do right by my newfound community with both this parody and the romance novel, if I ever get around to it.

How many times have I thought about my romance novel in the last few weeks? Maybe three times. Personally, I’m enjoying my break from Andrew. He is still showing up, of course. Why? Because his job is basically to annoy me at any cost. “Who am I? What should I be? My business is failing because I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing and my ego can’t handle being told I’m not perfect. Tell me what to do now!!!” UGH! Like it’s my job to coddle this douchebag and do all the work of figuring out his identity for him. On top of it, I’ve already told him 50,000 times what he really is. It’s right there in the Andrew file! Go re-read it, asshole! It’s not my problem anymore!

I am clearly being used and I don’t like it. I deeply regret the day I allowed him to become a character. He has done nothing but cause me problems since Day 1. I should have left him as three lines on a forgotten page somewhere. Sigh. Curiosity killed the cat, or in this case, the Writer Extraordinaire.

I stupidly hold out hope that someday a real man will come along and be an actual partner to me. LOL, such wild fantasies I have! Just look at all the options I have on online dating! Wow! Amazing! Yeah, you’re right, I should just get a puppy instead. At least I know it will love me back and show me endless devotion and loyalty. Based on my Island alone, I would have to say my life is generally better when men aren’t around. They don’t really add anything to my life except for more stress. I can’t handle it. My anxiety and insomnia are bad enough as it is. I don’t need a man piling onto it with his “needs.”

Okay, time to make a new list of goals, which is really the same list I’ve been carrying around for the last five years.

-Write, finish, and sell something! Anything! Literally, just make some money.
-Get a “real” job.
-Find fabulous apartment.
-Make fabulous female friends who are cool enough to do wine/tapas/brunch/shopping/concert/museum/whatever dates.
-Get back into film/theatre/acting/dance.
-Go back to school.
-Get a puppy.

#ReasonableGoalsAreReasonableAndAchievable. See how great my life is without men? What can a man add to this list? Really? That’s right, absolutely god damn nothing but problems, distractions, and stress. Forget them.

I clearly have my hands full with this imaginary Thing I cannot get rid of no matter how hard I try. He causes me enough problems for the whole of mankind. I despise him, really. Luckily, he has not come around much since I’ve been here. Apparently he’s fine with barging into my apartment whenever he feels like it, but he is not quite so bold if I’m in the company of others. I guess even imaginary men are afraid of pissed off uncles with a shovel. So there you have it! #winning

Okay, I am off to get some work done now. I need to take some more time to figure out where I left off before my trip. I feel disoriented trying to tackle this stuff again. Like, “Where the hell AM I and what the hell was I doing?!” Ugh. Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. Twirl, dip, plié, plié, shake it, shake shake shake it, shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture!!!

Yeah, I’ll be just fine…

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