BLOG: Testing 123

The first test of my splash page was successful. I figured out the contact form still doesn’t work and it messes with Google Analytics. This means I will have to do more careful planning before I go into full reconstruction mode. For now, it remains as is.

Super motivated this week. I knocked out my Conflict Management course yesterday. I’m going to do the Emotional Intelligence course today. My goal is to finish the Leadership & Communication Skills course by the end of the week. Look, see how dedicated I am to becoming the best version of myself?

The Conflict Management class was hilarious, tbh. I swear I read all of this in a book years ago. Anyway, I sat there and listened to the lectures for three hours while reflecting on my major life conflicts. I came to the conclusion that I was actually right in my attempts to communicate my feelings and de-escalate the situation before it turned into… this. Unfortunately, the party I am dealing with is an extreme narcissist who surrounds himself with yes men he can easily manipulate into doing his bidding. No one ever questions him or tells him no. Anyone who does is immediately exiled from and demonized by the cult. There cannot be a win-win solution because narcissists see everything as win-lose. He cannot admit he is wrong, so he seeks to destroy me instead. Unfortunately for him, destroying me is impossible. Just think. All that work and my blog still averages 50-100 page views per day. Meanwhile, his business is totally and completely failing. Maybe he should take the Conflict Management class instead. He might even learn something about creative collaborative solutions.

I think I knew all of this, but the problem was that the character had me under his spell. There’s no question that I was glamoured by him. None at all. That’s how I ended up with the thousand page mess on my desk. Unfortunately for me, that’s all this document is: a mess. This is not a real, serious project. This is a character who enjoys messing with people for fun and that’s exactly what he did to me. He thought he could mess with me for fun, I ended up turning against him instead. Now I’m starting to see past the glamour, I recognize more clearly what kind of person I am dealing with and what kind of situation I’m in.

Another thing I learned from the class is that my critics have been approaching me all wrong. They’re coming at me with these attacks, assumptions, and accusations while insulting me, gaslighting me, and invalidating my feelings and experiences. Then they wonder why I “never listen to them.” Sorry, couldn’t hear you over all the personal attacks. I didn’t realize what you were saying was worth hearing. If you feel like I am not listening to what you’re saying, maybe you should reconsider your approach. Take this Conflict Management class, figure out what you’re doing wrong, and come back later. I will never consider your point of view as long as you are attacking me and invalidating my feelings. That’s just basic human psychology.

My biggest realization was that I am a person who goes out of my way to confront and resolve conflict in a way that is fair for everyone. Unfortunately, I am surrounded by people who do not know how to resolve conflicts this way. This is why so many people get prickly around me. I don’t like to be passive-aggressive, gossip, or go behind people’s backs, unlike literally everyone I am surrounded by. I just want to get whatever it is out of the way so we can go back to work. If I was a man, I would be applauded for this behavior. But since I’m a woman, I’m a “fucking bitch.” As we all know, women are to be silent and subservient at all times. If you’re not, well, good luck in life.

Needless to say, I took my not-so-new conflict resolution skills and resolved yet another potential conflict by totally and completely avoiding it. This is the only way to win with them. If I am even within five feet of them and someone gets upset, I will be blamed and scapegoated for it. The only way not to get scapegoated is to drive to a different city 40 minutes away and eat dinner alone. I didn’t even feel bad about it. I simply enjoyed my meal alone in peace.

Well, off to continue bettering myself as a human being. If only more people in the world would do the same thing. Then maybe reality wouldn’t suck so much. Oh well. Not my problem, for now. I’ve got a course to take!

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