Unproductive today. Spent most of it taking a nap. Tired of cloudy days. Depressed with the state of the world. The only thing I can really think is… at least I’m not angry anymore.
The effects of this Groundhog Day-like state are wearing on me. I feel like every day is the same. I am slowly but surely losing it. All I can do is lock myself inside and hope for the best.
Thinking about Paris every day. I was so happy there. All I did every single day was write. I loved it. The only downside was that the material was Andrew. Sigh. I wish I could write about literally anything else. This week I have barely written at all. It all seems so pointless right now.
I’m very depressed about the job thing this week. I lost my job, I was denied unemployment, and I have writer’s block. I am trying so hard to stay motivated with the courses but it is a challenge, especially on grey, cloudy, depressing days like this one. I have no idea what I’m going to do. It’s like no matter how hard I try or how hard I work, I always end up right back where I started from. There’s no way to succeed. There’s no way to get ahead. There is nothing. No future, no hope, no nothing.
I just checked the weather report. Grey and cloudy for another week. Another week. Another week of this shit?! I’m totally gonna fucking lose it. I hate it here. I seriously just hate it here. I can’t believe after all of this bullshit I am still stranded here because of some stupid effing pandemic!