Oh my god!
I figured out what the hell is going on with Andrew. Just kidding, I will never know the answer to that question. I do, however, have an outline. A real outline of the actual material I wrote, not the outline I made in Paris that I was trying to force the story to fit into. I guess the story had to just keep going for yet another year for me to really be able to look at it. Ha ha! Yeah, well, it’s definitely interesting. It’s really something. A sight to see, for certain. I suspect I am much closer to burning this document than I was yesterday, but at least I… sort of… know what’s going on right now?
I don’t know. According to this outline I see a side character taking over the lead role by basically forcing his way in. I see lots of “fun” (maybe for him) punctuated by very intense arguments and break ups. I see a very unhappy woman who is definitely trying to leave/end the relationship because it’s not right, but the man just keeps coming back for more! What a lovely little disaster I have to hold here in my hands. Ha ha ha, ha ha ha, no one else should ever read this book. It’s going straight into the fire pit.
But at least it will be organized when it goes into the fire pit. That is the really important part.
Four years I’ve spent on this project. Four. Four years I’ve been wasting my time on this not so great version of what I thought was a romance novel but is really actually a terrible, horrible monster I created with my own mind. Great! Time to throw it in the fire, move to New Orleans, and get inspired by some real spookyass shit. The End!
And so, that was the story of Andrew. It was really something, huh? Yeah. Not really that proud of it or thrilled about its existence. I think any person in my position would be equally frustrated that they spent four years tending a crop that bore a very bland, bitter, tasteless fruit. Annoying, to say the least. Very annoying. I mean, okay, yes, it’s good that I produced something in all that time, but still. How did this bleed over into real life so badly and why can’t I seem to fix and/or resolve the problem no matter what I do? I have no idea what’s going on with that guy over there, but it has nothing to do with me.
Four years I’ve been at this. Quick, I need to make myself feel better about my life. What have I accomplished in the four years since I began BetseyHorton.com?
-Andrew, whatever the hell he is.
-Verm/Bloody Mary’s character development sheets
-A handful of “revenge” stories aimed at assholes who wronged me
-A handful of travel stories (but took lots of trips, so there are more to come)
-Shadowed Mad Dog around local area, allowing me to get to know it in a way I otherwise couldn’t because I’m an “outsider”
-Keeping a daily diary/blog
-Populating my website with stuff
-Became famous, aka learned about personal branding, marketing, and PR. Just kidding! I was already famous when I started my website thanks to my “controversial” column in the newspaper and “notorious” relationships with men of increasingly questionable character. That’s why my website immediately started generating hits.
-Went to the Paris Writing Workshop, duh!
-Only just now figuring out how to turn everything I did into an actual, money-generating business!
See? It’s not so bad. It’s been a very productive creative period for me. Andrew just so happens to be the notorious “relationship” with the man of VERY questionable character that ran along side it. It’s fine.
Yeah, no, that doesn’t make me feel any better about this at all. Oh well. At least I can say I tried.
How did I end up in this mess? I don’t know. All I know is that I need to move my scheduled daily cry time up to right now so I can get it over with and focus on my classes for the rest of the day.