BLOG: Feelin’ Alright

Today is the first day everything in my life has felt “normal” in some time. It’s a strange feeling. Everything is not really normal, of course. But today a certain set of events took place that made me feel like the universe was re-aligning itself. It’s an illusion, of course, and I know that, but still…

I woke up early, did my morning routine, and immediately got to work. I spent about four hours working on my website. I put the majority of the Bloody Mary’s and Andrew stories back online. I don’t know why, but I finally feel like I’ve set it free. It’s like, “Okay, this is who I am. This is what I wrote. There’s nothing for me to be ashamed of. It is what it is.”

It’s over. It’s done. I can’t change those assholes in real life. I can’t make them like me. I can’t make them respect me. I can’t make them understand that a story is just a story. I mean, there’s literally a disclaimer RIGHT THERE! If they want to ignore it in favour of some bullshit lie they made up in their own minds, they’re clearly delusional and deranged. That’s not my problem anymore.

The only thing that matters to me is that I finally feel free to move forward with my writing and my life. It feels good!

After my very productive work session, I had lunch with my dad for his birthday and we discussed future plans. Yellowstone is not happening. That’s official. That’s over, that’s done, that’s not happening. It’s fine. We’ve set up a different arrangement in the meantime. We don’t know when it’s going to happen, but that’s okay. The point is… it’s going to happen. Family is involved. It’s actually literally really happening.

On my way back home, I stumbled upon Mad Dog outside the Tar Pit. He invited me in for a socially distanced drink. I was hesitant at first, but I haven’t been to a bar in MONTHS and god dammit if I wasn’t craving an orange beer and conversation with human beings. Everything was clean, people were spaced out, and I didn’t feel that uncomfortable. It was weird to be out in public after hiding in my tiny, cramped apartment for months, but it was fine. The vibe was lit, mostly because they don’t bitch about me playing Jeopardy with them.

I had a beer, chatted with the Good Ol’ Boys Club, and bounced. Something about my conversations today were different. I felt like all the negative feelings I’ve been stuck on about South Dakota have been lifted and I can enjoy the conversations I have with strangers. I can look back on my travels around the state, the people I’ve met, and the things I’ve learned with positive vibes.

This was my ultimate goal, after all. I don’t want to have negative feelings about the place I’ve been living for the last 11 years. I’ve literally spent a third of my life here. I chose to stay here after college because I couldn’t get enough of the state’s history. I’ve traveled all over the state, explored the small towns, and gotten to know the back roads. There are plenty of things I love about South Dakota. My experience here is not defined by a tiny handful of assholes. I know that now.

MY TIME HERE WASN’T A WASTE! HURRAY!

It is such a relief to FINALLY feel like everything is going to be okay.

Everything is going to be okay! Really! It is!

😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

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