Last day of vacation. Sucks. I am quite happy in the land of eternal summer, if only because of the weather. I’m sure my impressions would change if I had more contact with the locals. I still prefer New Orleans, personally. Either way, I long to be in a warmer climate year-round. Maybe someday. First, I have some other things to attend to. Like FINDING A JOB AND FIGURING OUT HOW TO MAKE MONEY, which I am objectively terrible at. If you get into this business for the money, I’ve got some news for you…
Vacation has been good for me. I realized part of my problem is genuinely a lack of Vitamin D. I also had time to process some feelings about certain people in my life and how their treatment of me has led me to where I am now. Some people just don’t deserve to be in my life. Some of those people include family members. I can’t have negative people who drag me down at every single opportunity in my orbit. It’s just not healthy anymore. I’m trying to get better and move forward in life after being set up to fail over and over and over again. If that means blocking my own mother because she’s an abusive, manipulative, attention-seeking narcissist who projects all of her problems onto me instead of getting therapy, so be it. I have goals, dreams, and plans. I need people around who will support me and encourage me. She is never going to be one of them. My older sister will never be one of them. That entire side of the family will never be them. It is what it is. I can’t change it. That’s it. It’s over. The End.
In the meantime, I’ve been doing my best to give back to the world as best I can in the limited capacity I have right now. Every little bit counts, whether it’s sharing educational resources on human trafficking provided by legitimate sources to counteract QAnon conspiracy theories, picking up trash I find off the street, popping into FDS to dispense advice to women in need, writing letters to politicians, attending and promoting protests, or supporting non-profit organizations, I’m do what I can. No more “woke memes.” No more shitposts. No more rants and raves. Now is the time for real, meaningful action. If I can’t take said action in person, I’ll adjust my behaviors online. Change starts with me. Every day is a new day. I have the power to make the world a better place. Every little bit counts.
I’m slowly building up the confidence to start applying for writing jobs online. Not just freelance, of course. I’m talking about actual Staff Writer positions at big media publications. Nerve-wracking. I don’t like to think about the competition, because that’s my motto, but YIKES! The competition went to real schools. The competition has Masters degrees. The competition has years of professional experience. The competition has connections. The competition has financial help from uber-rich family members. The competition is objectively better than me in every single way. But I can’t let that hold me back! I have something to offer too! I have perspective! I left my comfortable East Coast bubble to go live in the middle of fucking nowhere. I traveled around my own country and got in touch with uncomfortable realities about income inequality, racism, bigotry, and lack of education. I’m looking for a platform to use my privilege for good, not to write long think pieces about realizing said privilege exists while surrounded entirely by rich white people at Sunday Brunch in the Hamptons. We’ve all had enough of that shit. It’s time to let someone else have a chance!
Okay, okay, I’ve just gotta play up the New! And! Fresh! angle. Rejection is inevitable. It may take time, but I’ll get there. I just have to keep working, keep attracting, and stay positive. The Law of Attraction works, ya’ll! And right now, it’s attracting me down to the pool, and then later to the beach. Until next time, I bid you adieu.