Currently awake at 5am because my brain won’t let me sleep. I felt like the only way it will let me return to my slumber is if I write. Thus, I am here, updating my blog. The end is nigh, my friends. Once I reach 50,000 page views (probably in the next week), I will be locking up my blog and retreating into private mode. You have officially been warned. Take whatever screenshots you need to sustain your small town drama now while you still have a chance.
Why am I doing this? Mostly because I’m tired of maintaining a public online presence and I want to focus my energy on writing for ca$$$h money, baby! There’s no reason to continue posting my stream of consciousness for the world to read, especially now that South Dakota is so far away. It feels like a different planet, especially when I am surrounded by the normalcy of the East Coast life I spent the first 21 years of my life in. I love how normal everything is here. Everyone recycles. States require car inspections. They sell Boar’s Head brand meat at the local deli. There are so many little things that just make me feel calm and normal and right at home where I belong. Plus, no one will look at me weird if I go out in public dressed the way I like to dress because that’s just how normal people effing dress.
For now, I’m focused on disconnecting from Verm. I woke up the other day and went on a mass unfollowing/blocking spree on Instagram so I would no longer be exposed to anything from Verm. I’m just so over it right now it’s not even funny. I literally unfollowed people I have zero problems with just because they post pictures from Verm. I don’t want to go on Instagram and look at pictures of Verm. Instagram has become a safe space for me. When I get on the app, I want to scroll through my feed and look at travel photography. I want to see pictures of nature, cityscapes, landscapes, wild animals, and exciting destinations. I don’t want to see pictures of the same set of ridiculous people and places I just escaped. That’s been my life for so many years now. I just want to see something different and new. The only accounts I kept from SD are the National Parks and tourism accounts that post the beautiful natural views, aka the only thing I actually like about that state. I just don’t want to be reminded anymore.
The main thing that sticks out to me is the fact that I am not craving any of my go-to substances. I don’t need them because I’m not constantly stressed out by my surroundings. In SD, everything is stressful. Work is stressful. Home is stressful. My family is the literal definition of stressful. Attempting to have any kind of social life is stressful. Small town life is stressful. Here, things are not stressful. I do not have to fight on a daily basis to exist as I am. Therefore I don’t need substances to cope with the stress. Here I can just chill and relax and enjoy my quarantine in peace.
I have a lead on a temp job working with horses. Yes, that’s right. I, Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire, am actively seeking a job that includes mucking out stalls. That’s how disillusioned I am with other human beings. I would literally rather shovel horse shit than work in the service industry right now. I literally just cannot with other people right now. I just keep reading story after story from service workers online about dealing with the crazies out at the bars. One can only take so many “conversations” with Trump supporters before that shovel starts looking real good. You laugh, but deep down in your heart you know it’s true.
So hopefully I can find a jnob working with horses. It’s not all mucking out stalls, after all. There’s also the feeding, grooming, trail rides, and all the other fun stuff that goes with that gig. Plus, I will get to learn how to ride English style. I’ve only ridden Western for obvious reasons. It will be fun to learn something new and meet other people who appreciate these beautiful creatures. It’s just something to do while I finish my courses and work on my writing behind the scenes. Writing will always come first in my life, but for now, I still need a part-time gig. It is what it is.
As I’ve said before, I do not know how long I will stay here. It’s hard to plan for the future with this ridiculous election ahead. God knows what the world is coming to. I wonder if someone mistranslated the Mayan Calendar to read the end as 2012 when in reality it was 2021. Who knows? I certainly don’t. All I know is that I am here to retreat into a non-stressful environment to work on what I was put on this Earth to do. So that’s what I’m going to do.
Thank you in advance for the 50,000 page views. I hope you enjoyed this blog and continue reading whatever I publish in the future. Have a great day.