BLOG: Don’t Beat Yourself Up!

Currently sitting at my desk. I’ve decided I am not going to be hard on myself for what happened this week. Everything is hard enough without me punishing myself on top of it. The better question to ask is: what can I learn from this? Well, I’ve learned that “I’m quitting drinking” really means I’m going to make the same mistake at least seventeen more times before anything happens. I’ve also learned that I’ve made some progress. Maybe. I don’t know. At least it’s a single binge session after a period of abstinence, as opposed to pounding bourbon gingers every single night. I guess. Maybe. I think that’s progress. At least it shows that I’m trying!!!

Like I said, beating myself up is not going to help anything. I just have to say, “Okay, let’s try again next time.” Perk up and just try to make it through today! No problemo! In the meantime, my website just exploded with page views and visitors this week, which is great! Do you know what I learned from that? I had an audience, but isolated it with questionable material they didn’t like. That’s why they quit reading it. Also, it totally jumped the shark. She should quit writing on BetseyHorton.com and focus on her brand new blog, As Yet Untitled Blog Project Dot Com.

I find that if I think of Bloody Mary’s as a television show that was cancelled, it helps me distance myself from the project. Wildly different sets of expectations and irreconcilable creative differences caused endless bickering between the director and lead actor. Shooting was continually delayed due to one or the other throwing a tantrum and storming off the set. Eventually, both of them quit the project and the show was abandoned altogether. It never even made it past the pilot episode. Sadly, this is just something that happens in the life of a screenwriter. Shows get cancelled, actors and directors change things, and most scripts don’t see the light of day. It is a hopeless fight for certain, but we the show must go on!

Mad Dog found a Fourth of July party for us to go to. The only catch is that it’s hosted by Trump Supporters. Dear god. As tempting as it is to go in undercover as a reporter and get the inside scoop on Donald Trump’s America, I think I would rather drink bleach. Frankly, I don’t think we need anymore reporting on this subject. I’m just not convinced I’m willing to go that far for a plate of BBQ, potato salad, baked beans, and corn-on-the-cob. There has to be a better way. Or maybe the combination of both my curiosity and my stomach will get the better of me in the end. I guess we’ll find out…

I spent the morning meditating. I saw myself sitting alone in an empty studio apartment, surrounded by suitcases, boxes, and manuscripts. What a lovely thought. I like the idea that someday I could be a real, professional writer. Someday, someday…

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