BLOG: Bummed Out

Currently watching Beachfront Bargain Hunt: Renovation on HGTV.

I still feel like shit in all ways. Physical, mental, spiritual. I just feel so bad about everything in my life now. Last week seemed so promising. This week I just dropped off again. It’s so frustrating to deal with this. I just can’t take the constant ups and downs anymore. I want stability. I want to live a normal life. I don’t want these problems anymore.

Things will get better once I head back East. Being closer to my extended family will help a lot. We are so far away from them out here. It’s such an inconvenience. Out there they will all just be a train ride away. I’m excited to reconnect with old friends in the area. It will be good for me.

I’m really looking forward to visiting Montauk again. my family used to vacation there every summer when I was growing up. I haven’t been there since I was 16. I would love to see it again as an adult. I’m totally taking the train out and staying in Montauk Manor. I have always wanted to stay in Montauk Manor. Being an adult is great when you make good life choices.

Feeling so down today. I feel so terrible about everything that happened. I really didn’t realize how much my drinking was affecting other people. I am sad now. I want to be different. No more being a certifiably hot mess.

My sister just gave me a romper she bought that doesn’t fit her. I tried it on and it’s actually really flattering on me. I don’t usually wear them, but this one looks good. Putting it on made me feel a lot better. I still feel like shit, but my mood has improved now.

I’m about ready for bed now. I feel like I got hit by a train. It’s not my finest moment, I admit it. At least I know there are three less people who hate me now. That eases my anxiety a bit.

Still in a position where I destroyed everything and have to start all over again. Sucks. Everything sucks. I’m so sad and depressed all the time. I wish I didn’t have to go through this alone.

The good news is, my daily website page views are currently sitting at 278 at the time of publishing. Crazy! Another minor bright spot in the darkness that continues to be 2020. At least it’s something…

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