Thursday. Finally feeling better. I’ve been kinda off this week because of the Moon. It sucks but it’s life. At least now I can plan around those days so I don’t lose so much productivity. I just have to watch for “The Big Freak Out” that is happening the week and a half-ish before. I definitely need to get that under control. I suspect the best solution is NOT to consume any alcohol during that time period, or for any reason whatsoever at all. Waking up without a hangover every morning is pretty great, actually. I should remember that the next time I flip out and try to destroy myself for no apparent reason whatsoever.
I made up for the lost productivity by watching a Brazilian Netflix Drama called Coisas Mais Linda. They’re calling it “Girls From Ipanema” in English, which I find to be an inaccurate translation. This is mostly because calling the main characters “Girls” is extremely condescending, especially given the nature of the show. It’s about a group of women in Rio in the late 1950’s who are all finding Their Way. It’s brilliant. It’s like Mad Men but 100x better because the struggles of women in male-dominated career fields are so much more relatable than watching some privileged white dude swill bourbon at 10am in his fancy corner office when he’s supposed to be working, only to then skip out for yet another wild affair. Meanwhile, he is rewarded for all of his shitty behavior while the women around him are constantly shat all over. Hate it. I stopped watching sometime during Season 2 or 3. I can’t remember. I did like the fashion though.
Luckily, Coisas Mais Linda is the solution to my 1950’s fashion obsession that I was looking for, and it’s WAY better in terms of both plot and characters. The main character is basically a rich farmer’s daughter from Sao Paulo who comes to Rio to open a restaurant with her husband. She finds out he left her and took all her money. Cue totally relatable breakdown scene where she sets his shit on fire, gets drunk on a boat, and dives from the 40ft mast in order to feel alive again. Her life now completely devoid of meaning, she follows a handsome musician into the slums, where she discovers Bossa Nova and comes back to life. She then decides to turn the restaurant into a night club with live jazz music! Hell yeah!
She teams up with a black woman from the slums who was working as a maid in her apartment building. This is controversial because Rio is racist and segregated. The other two main characters are a reporter in an “open relationship” with her husband (also frowned upon because she’s getting a lot of lesbian action on the side) and an aspiring singer who married an abusive rich guy. They are rejected and denied over and over because they are women. They are talked down to by men constantly. It is so refreshing and relatable to see the reality of women portrayed on the screen. I am 100% OBSESSED with this show. I got through the first season yesterday. Love, love, love, highly recommend to any and all with a Netflix obsession.
I haven’t watched too much Brazilian cinema, but this show is making me want more. I have seen City of God, which I firmly believe everyone should watch at least once in their lives, and Black Orpheus, which is absolutely beautiful from a cinematography standpoint. I obviously love Bossa Nova and all of other forms of Brazilian jazz. Someday I will learn to Samba! I am very interested in Brazilian culture as a result of watching these three pieces. It’s interesting how much Brazil reminds me of the United States. Their current president is pretty interesting. There’s a lot of research to do there. Maybe learning about Brazil will be my new hobby. Next stop: Carnival!
It seems like I had other things I wanted to write about but they have all flown away for now. The only thing standing out is that I sent some of the Andrew stories to someone from Paris. I was hoping she would help me figure out a direction to take it in but it doesn’t seem like she knows either. I thought about sending her the manuscript version where all of Andrew’s stories are together in one word document, but it’s like 1000 pages and takes forever to read.
Just the idea of taking out that manuscript and looking at it made me think to myself, “I don’t want to deal with this.” I then had a vision of a red balloon floating up out of the sewer and Andrew following dressed up as a nightmare clown. Here I am trying to go to school and he’s attempting to lure me down into the sewer to play with him, aka torture me, kill me, and eat my heart for dinner. He thinks it’s a game and I think I need to run away as fast as humanly possible.
Out of all his transformations so far, I feel the Nightmare Clown is the closest to representing his true personality. This is probably why I don’t want to get out the manuscript. I’m just going to message her back and tell her I decided to start over from scratch. I think that’s gonna be the best method for dealing with this “problem” from now on.
So what should I work on instead? More stuff for the blog and future freelance business. Courses. Getting some exercise since I’ve done nothing but sit on my ass for the last few days. Research Brazil. So many things to do in life that have absolutely nothing to do with Andrew! Wow! What should I pick first? I choose… to go have a cigarette. Mostly because I’ll have to quit again when I’m traveling. I’m not paying $20 for a pack of cigarettes, especially when I’m used to paying $7.50.
I admit that I really hate myself right now for being in a position where I once again have to beg family members for help, but at least this time I’m not alone. This time I’m one of 30 million Americans who got fucked over while watching the richest people in our society just help themselves to more of our tax dollars. It’s fucking bullshit. Why do I pay taxes? Seriously? I’m not getting unemployment assistance, healthcare, or any kind of other aid during a pandemic. Where is that money going? To absurd fireworks displays at Mount Rushmore and billionaires who suddenly can’t afford the mortgage on their third house. It’s sickening.
All I want in life is to put Moscow Mitch in an arena with one of Joe Exotic’s hungry tigers and just stream it live for the world to see. If he wins, fair play to him. If not, we got to watch that fuckhead get devoured whole by a hungry tiger live. Would anyone really be upset? No. Least of all Trump, who would immediately go on TV, tell everyone how great it was for his ratings, and probably offer up a list of suggestions for the next in line. Little does he know he’s got an appointment with a great white shark later tonight…
Right… off to have that cigarette and listen to Samba Radio on Pandora. I’m gonna go pretend I’m relaxing on a boat in Rio wearing a fabulous white sundress with my hair tied up in a silk scarf. Tchau!