The following is an incredibly brief selection from my thousand-some-page collection of stories about this guy I barely know IRL and have spoken to maybe five times. He was yelling at me on at least three of those occasions, btw. I tried to give it a sense of order so you can understand what’s going on here, but most of it’s missing. Enjoy your preview anyway.

1. The Stranger At The Bar – Where the hell did this guy even come from, anyway? Note: This is exactly one of two true stories on this page.

2. A Breath of Fresh Air – An innocent writer is lured into a bar by a devious snake. This is the second true story. The rest of these are fiction.

3. The Strip Club in Omaha – Andrew and Betsey take Mad Dog to a strip club in Omaha in a contest to prove who the real “Whoremonger” is.

4. The Man With a Thousand Names – Betsey wonders to herself if she’s made a mistake when people in town start asking her questions about Andrew.

5. Strangers at the Bar – Betsey tries to understand Andrew’s ever-changing personality by role-playing with him, but they are interrupted by an unexpected guest.

6. Home Run – Andrew meet Betsey’s other personality, Liz, for the first time in her full glory. Chaos ensues.

7. Sam’s Little Sister – Betsey imagines Andrew as a young man after hearing way too many stories about him from his mom without ever even asking.

Okay. That’s all you get. No more, mostly because he’s annoying me.